When You’re Happy, Everything Seems To Be Brighter!

In everything that I do now, I do it with a little smile. In everything that gets thrown my way whether it’s good or bad, I smile and laugh. I laugh and smile now most of the time compared to before because finally, I found a better way to handle things. Truly, it’s a matter of perspective and with all that’s happening to me and my life, I have nothing but hope for the better. Always the better.
There were times that I got mad over silly things. I get angry a lot too and brood over things I question. I actually, honestly question a lot of things everyday and I became a hater. A terrible hater and a hypocrite of trying to spread good vibes but end up ranting so much! I rant when I write, I rant when I tell stories, I roll my eyes too often either mentally or physically! It became so bad that I have to re-evaluate my life, my existence and everything about me!
I tried to learn more about myself, I tried to discover myself and understand why I am the way I am. Instead of feeling bad, I have embraced my flaws fully! The journey isn’t over and I cannot say that I am a full pledged all-the-time-happy-person but I am better. Far better than I was. I am in a better state now, far better than where I was before and it’s so calming.
I talked about this technique at an earlier post and as far as I know, I have been doing really well with this perspective thingy majig!
It is true when they say “it’s all about perspective”. It’s even truer when they said “laughter is the best medicine”. We usually just shrug everything off not truly living by these “cliché” sayings, but the moment we are trapped in the realest of realities only we will realize the true meaning and how helpful it is to apply in our lives.
I always hear and read somewhere those sayings but I always thought they only created that to make people feel better. The wheels have turned and I am writing this, sounding like I’m preaching but I’m doing this because I want to help people so bad. I needed help and you guys were there, so in turn, I feel like I shall share this with you.
Happiness is the root of all good things (at least in my opinion). Because when you are happy, you forget about all the ill feelings. You look at life in a nicer way than you ever did! You don’t get jealous, you feel comfortable in your own skin, you feel worthy of good things, you treat people nicely all the time, you find good things behind the bad ones, you are contented with what you have, you look at everything as blessings even the bad ones, you look at criticisms and challenges as opportunity for learning and growth, you like yourself more, you like other people, you sleep well at night, you don’t hate, you don’t get mad at silly things, you choose your battle very well, you start to love truly, you shine brighter and in a nutshell, you’re simply a better person than you once were! See? When you’re happy, you get to be a really good person, a pleasant one that people will see you as an inspiration, someone very hard to hate or simply see who you really are right?
When you try to be happy, when you smile and laugh at things even if they were meant to make you feel bad, you’re just emanating the positive vibes and everything will seem nice and bright. The moment you become a happier person, that’s the time you stop feeling bad about everything and you understand a lot of other people and things. So for instance, if someone said something bad at you, instead of feeling bad about it, you try to understand why that certain person said that. And what was said may not really reflect who you are as a person but how they choose to see you, right?
In everything that I have said in this post, I guess what I didn’t want to miss is to say that we cannot control the way other people think, the way other people feel, the way other people see us. We can only control our own thinking, feeling and perspective. So the next time someone said something that might truly break you in pieces, accept it wholeheartedly. Smile. Laugh. Do not dwell. Do not take it against them. It’s how they see things and not how you do, it’s something we have no control over to the best thing we can do is stay okay, stay happy. Once you’re happy and smile and laugh a lot, then nothing can ever tear you apart!

Live Happily!

I guess I would write about this over and over again until someone picks something up from this (myself included)

Remember when we were teenagers, somewhere between high school and college or uni, when pople tell us that this is just a drill and that life is a bigger and crazier place after school. Some of us understood that very well while most of us thought of it as “something adult just wanted to say”.

In this entry, I will write about how crazy adult life is as far as I know now that I am 25 years old and how I am living one day at a time with a huge smile on my face!

You see, at one point every one of us will be caught up somewhere. Paving our paths toward our goals. Toward the thing they call “success”. Every one of us will be even all over the place (figuratively speaking) trying to grasp whatever life gives us, trying to cope with a lot of different things, all at the same time. And that’s where I am right now. I am caught up with a bunch of workload. Stressful as it is, I am quite happy as to where I am right now (who knows how long will I stay happy lol) but aside from that, I learned a lot about myself and a lot about life that I have not even planned to learn! It all came in a rush, in a very natural way!

Two weeks that I have been working my ass off soooooo sooooooo bad compared to the past months that I have been working. Every day is a struggle, every day is a blur. I have not worked out for 2 weeks, I have been trying to keep healthy though, I have not read my books and it’s sorta frustrating but it’s because I wanted to just sleep my night away after a hard day at work!

Then there are negative stuff that gets thrown in my face every single day but I don’t have the time and energy to feel bad anymore! I don’t even have the time to entertain my emotions let alone specify what and how to feel. Because? I am so tired. I guess the good thing about this is I valued myself even more and I stopped sweating the small stuff! It’s fantastic!

Aside from the fact that I am busy, there’s a different technique as to how one can live happily amidst the struggles.

Smile and laugh when someone is attacking you. Laugh when someone is wasting their time brooding about you—being something. Laugh when someone is trying hard to hurt you. Laugh because that’s the best one can do in the middle of the pain and hurt.

I realized when I let negative things affect me, I am at the losing end. When I allow myself to get hurt and to embrace the pain that I should have let go in the first place, I am the one who lost the battle. It’s true when they said “Don’t let it get to you”. It’s true, it’s so fucking true that I have to curse so you will understand and believe what I am trying to say. Laugh when you can, because when you laugh at it and let it go, you’re embracing positive vibes and letting the negative ones chase the wind.

This is not me being all mean and snotty but I literally laugh my ass off when someone tells me about something a certain someone said about me. It makes me laugh because in reality, I am not just laughing for the heck of it but I am laughing because of how stupid and irrational some people are. I am laughing because someone is so funny that they wasted time on attacking other people. I am laughing because it really is quite funny.

I guess some things are not funny but it’s all about perspective. Look at it as something funny and you’ll eventually find your voice in laughter. You’ll eventually let it go and not feel bad about something stupid. Because something reallllllyyyyy stupid is nothing but a laughable matter.

Laugh when you can. Practice laughing at stupid things people throw at you and you’ll live happily!

Rest In Peace

Hola beautiful humans!

Let me write about a lot of stuff and hopefully, I finish this on time. Before I write about the good stuff, let’s talk about the other stuff that makes us all human—pain, hurt and loss.

Just last week, 2 close relatives died. 1 was my uncle—a cousin of my mom whom she was really close with and the 2nd one, the grandfather of my brothers (so it’s up to you how you patch the story as to why he is the grandfather of my brothers but not mine)

I wasn’t very close to these 2 people but my loved ones are and it breaks my heart all the same because I see them hurt, I see them how troubled they were when they lost the people very dearly to them. After the 2 deaths in our family, I got so obsessed with deaths and saying goodbye. It’s hard not to think about when your time on earth is up, whether you will be able to say goodbye or you’ll be gone in just a snap. I guess, we’ll never know.

We’ll never truly know if there is such a thing as afterlife, or if we all get reincarnated until we find our lives’ purpose. It’s so hard because we all get so attached to who we are but come to think of it, we won’t get to bring anything when we die. Who knows if we’ll have memories, who knows what will happen in the afterlife.

It’s so scary just thinking about these stuff but I guess we can only do so much. (and this may be different from what you believe in so this is just my own thinking okay?)

  1. Pray – in times like this, prayer is our strength. Our only power in helpless moments. I am a catholic and I pray ever so hard that God gives me more time on earth because I want to give more of me to the people I love. I want to be given a dozen or hundreds of chances to love them more and to make up for my mistakes and bad decisions.
  2. Smile – we wouldn’t know when will be the last time that we will be able to smile so as much as we can, we shall give our smiles because that’s considered a gesture of kindness. When people see kind gestures, they get inspired to do a simple one as well so start with smiles and spread positive vibes!
  3. Love – Loving the people around us especially the ones who love us as well. It is fulfilling to know that you lived and loved when you can, even if it hurt, even if it was painful.

I don’t know how else to finish this entry (because I’ve got a ton of stuff to do at work) so I guess even if my thoughts are jumbled and my emotions are beyond crazy, I hope ya’ll understand my point.

Rest in Peace Tito Larry and Lolo Charlie. ❤

Good People Everywhere! 💖

Let the writing spree begin!
Let me give you a short (I can’t promise how short is my “short) background before we even go to the real thing here.
Since Kyx resigned from his job, he has been driving me to work and picking me up from work. I noticed that this is taking a huge chunk of gas money compared to how we were (Kyx used to work in the same building as I do, so we go to work together and we share the parking and gas expenses), now that he no longer works in the same company, I can feel the gravity of gas money alone. Which is quite heavy.
So I told Kyx that whenever I can, I will just take the public transportation to work. It’s not very hard but it’s always so traffic so idk what to feel about it most of the time.
Every morning, I would go for a 5 minute walk from home to the village clubhouse where tricycles pass. I need to ride a tricycle from the village to the city proper. So from the city proper, I would ride a jeepney to the place where the vans are parked. Then from there, I would ride a van to the office! It doesn’t sound so hard but sometimes, it is. It takes a lot of time and perspiration.
Today, as I was walking, a car stopped. Then, the man told me he can give me a ride if it’s on the way. He’s sort of an old man, he looked as though that he pity me cause I was walking under the scorching heat! I declined the ride though because it’s out of the way. I thanked him for his kindness and I was over the moon!
I have learned a lot of things today.
1. There are really kind strangers. They try to help as much as they could without asking anything in return. There are still people who are ready to help when they can and it’s amazing to know that God find ways on how your faith in humanity would be restored.
2. A lot of people told me that this guy may have been a murderer or a rapist. My response to them is that, we don’t know whether his intentions were good or not. All I know is that I was not harmed. I really like to think he did it for a good reason and that he’s trying to be nice knowing that our time on earth is very little.
Give people chances and always give everyone a benefit of the doubt. It’s nice to know that your soul is filled with joy because you entertain good and positive thoughts rather than focusing on the negative ones.
As much as we can, let’s try to help whenever there’s a chance to do so. We’ll never know how much our little help would mean to a person in need. ❤

What About My OCD?

Since my diagnosis, like I said, everything fell into place. I understood myself better and it sort of calmed me in a way.

Let’s talk about my OCD journey.

I’ve had this ever since I was young and I feel like everyone in my immediate family knew. They did everything they could and tried to understand me every step of the way. Going back to all my not so fun quirks and rituals, my heart melts when I remember how my brothers, sister, mom would understand them as strange as they were. Thanks to my family for embracing all of me, my flaws and imperfections without a single doubt that I can be a better person, I can still be who I am and not be judged.

Here are some of the things that have confirmed my OCD (which I basically do not tell a lot of people but opening up now seems so helpful and useful not only for me but for others who may or may not have the same condition I do have)

  1. Before going to bed, I would realize something that I should have done like I suddenly felt the urge of washing my feet. Then I would tell myself that it’s not dirty and it doesn’t need extra washing. But then again, my mind would say GO WASH IT OR ELSE YOUR FAMILY WOULD DIE. So I would go and wash my feet just so my family wouldn’t die.
  2. I was trying to fill up a tub of water. So while waiting for it, I would do something else like wash my face etc. Then when I hear that the tub would be filled already, my brain automatically says something like YOU HAVE TO TURN THE FAUCET OFF NOW BECAUSE ONCE THE WATER SPILLS, YOU WILL GET PREGNANT AND DIE. So I would hurry the eff up and close the faucet like my life depended on it.
  3. I brush my teeth for a very long time until my gums bleed. This is because I feel like when I don’t see blood yet then it is not clean! So I have to brush and brush and brush until it bleeds.
  4. I have a particular set of spoon and fork at home that I use. Only I can use it and only if it was that particular set is to be used will I eat my meal. If not, I have to look for my own set or my family would.
  5. I have to knock 3 times all the time even if a bad thought came to my head. My brain tells me that if I don’t knock 3 times, my bad thoughts would come true.

Those are the only remarkable ones, I have a lot but most of the time, I would overcome it and outgrow them, until a new one develops.

Right now, I’m on the phase wherein I feel good about myself. I feel alive and enlightened. It’s as if I understand everything now. It’s a “EUREKA” moment for me. I know it would be hard but everyone close to my heart have made me feel secured, protected and understood. Not one in my family have shown distaste towards my condition and I feel like my family is enough. I wouldn’t ask the world to understand me, however I hope that one day, everyone would understand all the different conditions there is in the world. Everyone may be a little bit kinder, understanding and accepting of the uniqueness and individuality of others. I hope and I pray ❤

To The People Who Do Not Understand

Hi guys, I am writing this with a bursting heart because this is something that everyone should take account for, something everyone should at least try to understand.

You know the saying “You must be kind and understanding because everyone has a battle” sort of quote? I forgot the whole quotation but that’s the thought and you get it right? I am so close to bitching out because I was bewildered upon the knowledge that there are people who look at other people as “unpleasant”. STRAIGHT UP JUDGING WITHOUT KNOWING ME FIRST.

Has it ever occurred to people that everyone do not owe anyone an explanation? Like people do not need to justify why they are the way they are just because someone is actually different from them. Let’s go back to NOT JUDGING. I’m not even talking about my OCD here. I’m so concerned about as to how people can judge you very quickly by just the way you talk, the words you use, the way you walk, the way you blink, the way your eyes twitch, the way your lips curl, the way you laugh. It makes me rage so much that people can say a lot about you without even knowing who you are, where you came from, your family background, your culture, your education, your way of life?

I get it, not everyone can understand you, not everyone will understand as to why you are they way you are, but how can people judge you without even knowing you? I mean COME ON.

I’ve heard a lot of rumors about me, a lot of bad stuff. I am not even affected because I know myself (more so right now) but the mere fact that they can easily say a LOT about me already without even getting to know me in the first place crushes my heart.

I have OCD and this is not me admitting this just to justify my actions (but sort of.. lol)

But this is sort of an explanation, a point of clarity that people must know that there are certain battles and struggles everyone are facing. A little kindness and understanding goes a long way.

“She does not want her hair tie borrowed. What a bitch” they say, oh hey, because it is unhygienic and not having my hair tie on my wrist makes me feel anxious because I might need one just like how you’re needing it and asking me for my one and only hair tie.

“She needs a day’s notice just to clear her schedule? What a feeling VIP prick” they say, but only because I have already planned my day and I have laid out all my errands and stuff that people should respect because hello, I am not going to stop everything that I am doing because people feel like hanging out.

In a nutshell, when you keep your mouth shut everytime you don’t understand a certain behaviour, you’re actually saving yourself from being a judgmental ignorant person. Next time you saw a certain behaviour, think again BEFORE COMMENTING, BEFORE SAYING ANYTHING AT ALL.

Dealing with OCD

My HR manager said that he thinks I may have a slight OCD. I am not even surprised at all because I’ve been in denial for such a long time (do not take this negatively. I always knew I might have slight OCD but I was never diagnosed because I never had it checked but. Yeah..) So I wasn’t surprised but partly, this is sort of a confrontation and an eye opener. But let me go straight to as to why I am writing this now.

After he said that he thinks I have slight OCD, he then added “and maybe this is why people do not understand you as a person. They think you are a snob, unapproachable, unpleasant etc.”

After this assessment, I was bewildered. I had mixed emotions and I was not able to react very quickly. I wanted to understand everything. I wanted to understand myself more and people’s behaviour towards me. Now, I am writing because I want to clear my mind and avoid all the unnecessary confusion.

Here are my thoughts and I will not be OC with how I write it, whether it is chronological or not, because at this point, my thoughts are too scattered to be composed properly.

  1. Now, it is confirmed that I have a mild OCD. I should not feel “broken” about this and I shall take in account the bright side of this particular condition. My OCD has brought me to where I am and I thank myself every day for all the right choices and bad decisions I made because of my OCD. Like let’s say for example, the good thing is since my closet is color coordinated, I know exactly where to find the clothes I am looking for. I am saving myself from the hassle of ruining an organized closet just for a single piece of clothing that has gone astray. Yes, my closet is color coordinated.

The bad side is, there is this one time that we had to go for a long drive, it was a 6 hour drive and I did not pee until we arrived at our destination just because I do not want to use a random public comfort room. After a day, I was diagnosed with UTI or Urinary Tract Infection just because of that.

 

  1. I understand myself more now, I feel enlightened and I feel like I know now why some actions and behaviors are made just because I get now as to why I projected something like that.
  2. Not everyone will understand my actions and behaviors toward something and I do not need to explain all the time, I do not need to feel like I owe anyone an explanation just because I am different than everyone else. I totally get why people do not understand me as much as I try to understand them, and this is because I am (literally) not normal. Though I am not normal, I shall not see this as a disability or a hindrance.
  3. I feel like I need to use my condition towards something more positive rather than dwelling on the negative effects.
  4. It is clear to me now why I had to have anxiety most often than not. I understand myself better now. And I feel so alive, so liberated.

Now, let me write my feelings toward the people who cave in to their own prejudicial judgment rather than understanding where people are coming from.. and I shall write it on a different post!

FAILURE AND WHATNOT.

Before anything else, congratulations to everyone who took the Psychometrician Licensure Board Exams in the Philippines last August 29 and August 30 of this year. All your hard work are appreciated and everyone deserves a pat on the back for the sacrifices you’ve done, the sleepless nights and all that.

Great job for the passers! Finally, you guys have worked hard for this!

Now, let’s talk about the one who did not meet the cut, who did not pass in short.

First and foremost, you feel like a failure. You feel like you let yourself and everyone else who were rooting for you let down. BUT TRUST ME. It feels that way, but it’s okay. It’s all part of life. There are different failures, different circumstances, different beginnings and endings wherein we cry, laugh, work hard and do all the possible shit we have to do, sometimes no matter how hard you worked for something, you will not get the result you expect. It’s not because you didn’t do a good job. It’s just that some things are meant to happen.

Second, it’s probably a cliché and you’ve heard it way too many times before but LIFE DOES NOT END HERE. Nope. Life definitely does not end where you left off. Life must go on and the world will continue to rotate no matter how crushed your poor little heart is. That’s tough but that’s how it is.

Third, there’s still another chance you will get to sort yourself out. You must try and try and try and try until you succeed. Until you reach what you want, and trust me, this isn’t everything that life will throw at you, this isn’t everything that you will ever dream of. This is just a single (major) thing aside from the millions that your heart will desire all throughout life.

Oh gosh, I know it’s not easy. It will never be. But as you learn to accept failures and fate, it will become bearable. You must remember that there isn’t a shortcut for success, there will be roadblocks. There will always be people who are waiting for your failure, there will be betrayals, there will be people who no matter what you do—will keep bringing you down. You must not let it get to your head. You must not let your heart crack. You must keep your passion burning, eyes focused, mind peaceful and steady because this will be your battle gear as you go on with life.

This is why talks and forums of encouragement sound like bull but in reality IT TOTALLY HELPS! I am not saying this as a very successful person already. I am still figuring out life and all that crap on the side, but trust me. It will get better, it will go bad, everything will turn and tumble but that’s how we all roll! That’s life! I have not figured everything yet but I know that whatever life gives me, hard or not, it must be faced with a strong heart! Tough to fight, soft to accept.

Now, keep your head up high and continue living.

P.S. You’re lucky enough to face a tough situation like this because by the time life gets rougher, oh honey you know exactly how to deal with it.

Judging based on what?

It’s easy to judge people and situations based on how you see it. It’s easy to just get to the surface but what about the details? Would it hurt to ask first rather than consuming yourself with the assumptions you already made based on your prejudices upon a certain person and a situation? People often misuse the brain God gave them. People let go of what’s rational ever so easily and jump right in, head first to their own conclusions without providing the benefit of the doubt, without the understanding that maybe, just maybe something came up that’s why a certain something had to happen?

We are made complicated by our creator. We are given free-will and the right mind to be able to discern and give the better judgment to ourselves and other people on a daily basis, for as long as we exist. We use our own judgments for the betterment of our lives, for the decisions and choices we have to make, but why don’t we use it for the good? We often use our judgments for criticisms, something to hate, something to give off our negative vibes. People these days would assume whatever the heck they want to assume without real basis. Without the facts, just pure prejudice, pure stereotype. Asking then has been shoved at the back of the shelf and has long been forgotten, it will only occur when a person already finished judging but sees a different element. That different element I am talking about is when other people tell them off. “No judging” I say often but people do not let it sink in to them, they will judge you, your actions, everything you said, everything you did just because they think what they think about you. They don’t get to know you and your culture, your attitude towards life, the way you think. That’s why you are judged by them wrongfully!

Do you know that when you judge other people easily, you hurt their feelings? People are not here to prove you wrong, people are here to live for themselves and life aspirations. Not FOR YOU. Not for you to be pleased, not for you to like them.

I feel sad when people jump right into their conclusions and wrong judgments.

I never saw someone who died just because they asked and needed to know something.

I feel sick to my stomach when people judge VERY EASILY without knowing WHAT REALLY HAPPENED. There’s a huge difference from judging and asking what happened. I do not know why some people get confused and find themselves lost in translation.  So how would you feel when you are judged right away without being asked?

Judge me based on my answers to your questions. Not based on how you see me.