Personally, I find this very challenging. I have the tendency to always defend myself. I don’t know but (maybe it’s a bad thing) that I am a person with a big ego. My amount of pride is bigger than anything else. I don’t know how else to explain it but I just really am a person with a huge ego. So if someone tells me something and it’s not what I wanted to hear, then I would perpetually defend myself or justify it. I try to prove a point and I could even make a big deal out of it. I never got tired of doing this because I always feel like I needed to defend myself, I feel like I always need to stand up for myself even if it was triggered by something really SMALL. As time went by and as I grew older, I have learned that what I kept doing over the years of my existence was extremely exhausting, painful, hurtful and has no sense at all. My best friend and my boyfriend taught me and reiterated this (even if I know it anyway, I had to have someone push the thought in my head anyway) PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE YOU ALL THE TIME, YOU WILL NOT LIKE WHAT THEY SAY BUT PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT FROM YOU. IF THEY COULDN’T KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT AND IF THEY SAY SOMETHING YOU FIND OFFENSIVE, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO REACT RIGHT AWAY. SOMETIMES YOU EVEN HAVE TO LET IT FLY BY. BECAUSE ACCEPTING THESE WORDS ARE MUCH BETTER THAN DEFENDING YOURSELF AND JUSTIFYING YOUR OWN BELIEF. However, there are some circumstances that you really have to stand up for yourself. SOME but not ALL.
When Kyx and I are new in this relationship of togetherness, we would often argue about something (stupid) he would say + me being “overly sensitive” and getting offended easily. You see, the conflict is Kyx is very honest (it is a good thing, really) but sometimes, his honesty can pull the trigger of my emotions. He is the type of person who will, as much as he can, NOT SUGARCOAT things. To give you a better idea here’s an example.
Me: Do I look fat in this shirt?
Kyx: Uhm, yes.
He blatantly said “YES” without any explanation. Without saying “just a little”. He directly said YES which sort of offended me. (I know, I asked for it and I didn’t get the answer I wanted right? Now you can laugh hahaha but I did not laugh at that during the moment)
What I did was sat quietly and tempted to even throw a fit. He told me if he said anything wrong and I told him he shouldn’t have said that, and then the argument goes on. I know, I know. I shouldn’t have been offended but what can I do? Maybe I was PMSing. LOL.
Also, I can recall a conversation with a friend and she said that my lippie didn’t look THAT good on me. I shouldn’t have felt bad about it but I did.
Because NEWS FLASH. Aside from my own sensitivity, I would NEVER try to say stupid things that I know would offend others. I am very careful of what I tell others because I have the notion of “if someone told me this, I would get offended so I must not say this because the person might get offended” even if they are not melodramatic or overly sensitive (like me).
I guess now that I am writing this, I realize the good and bad side of it.
The Good Side: I don’t hurt other people’s feelings. I am not reckless with my words. I use it ever so wisely (I want to believe this is how I project myself lol)
The Bad Side: I overthink and I sort of expect other people to not be reckless with their words.
I know now that (maybe I knew it all along but too stubborn to accept the facts) people are different and has different views and opinions. Different attitudes and stands. Different beliefs and different way of living. Some might say something stupid that would hurt other people, some wouldn’t.
In this lifetime, I would hear a whole lot of different things that I wouldn’t want to hear but I have learned to filter what I should listen to and what I should ignore.
There’s always room for learning and growth and these are opportunities for an improved understanding. I have understood (I guess) that not everything is said to attack me or hurt me intentionally. There are things that are not thought about as to how I would think about it.