Living: The STRUGGLE is Real


Sometimes I wonder how people look like they have figured everything out. Like how were they able to find something that makes them so happy while I sit here trying to figure out life.

It’s difficult to think about stuff sometimes because you end up feeling sorry for yourself. Sometimes, I would think of my friends who are close to their dreams, who are working towards what they wanted, who are paving their paths to success then come to think of it, I did better in school than they ever did (please do not judge me, I am not being arrogant. This is just based on how I see myself of course lol) I was always the responsible one yet I am here, crawling my way up with dirt in my hands! I used to think I would rise up climbing the ladder of success with such grace and elegance but in reality, I am clawing my way out from this dark tunnel of uncertainty. So much for grace and elegance eh? Crawling like a mad man, clothes and skin torn. Heart is broken, mind is cluttered and darkness is all I can see inside my soul. That’s not even the sad part about it. Sad part is having every bit of you so used up and broken, then managing to finally handle things and build yourself up again only to get shattered a few more times again. Like this is insane!

Sometimes, I walk like a zombie trying to get by in the day. Sometimes, I walk with high hopes, dreams of reach and my heart filled with joy. Often times, I am just dazed and confused. As dazed and confused as everyone else.

After accomplishing (what feels like) impossible things (to accomplish) on a daily basis, I have learned I am strong enough to handle every pressure that comes my way. After everything has been said and done, before I go to bed at night, I evaluate how my day went. How they and I were satisfied with the work I delivered, how I was looked at by my family and how God thinks of me and all the blessings he showered upon me.

Day by day, it is a struggle. It is a battle that I wasn’t even prepared for. I keep thinking “is this what I want myself to be?” then I realized not everything is easily handed especially for people like me.

Do you ever wonder? Do you ever think that you are so down and everyone else is happy with their lives? Well maybe they have figured out what they wanted, maybe they are blessed with things you do not have, maybe they are successful and rich or comfortable than you are now but did it ever occur to you that not everyone gets to have what they really want. Maybe they are rich and successful but are they truly happy? Maybe their family is happy and complete but did they find their love of their lives already? Maybe they have a high paying job but were they able to have alone time or even spend time with people they love? Maybe they can go places, travel as much as they want! Splurge as much as they want, but do you think they feel fulfilled? Not everything we want can be given all at the same time. Maybe it isn’t our time just yet to be rich, successful, happy, contented, fulfilled. But our own time would come. As for right now, we must learn to appreciate and be grateful with what we have.

I wouldn’t say we shouldn’t complain because that is hard and impossible to do (and I also cannot stop myself from complaining) but amidst all these, let’s just try to pray for ourselves and hope for a better future. One last thing! You are not alone in this daily battle and struggle of adulthood. Some are just good at keeping their heads up even if everything is falling apart. Just know that everyone is facing their own battles, so you are not alone in this struggle. You are not alone in this. Try going back to your old self and see how far you’ve come already. This might feel a little “simple” but seriously, you’ve come this far in life already! Give yourself a break and actually, a pat in the back because you’ve done so much more than you have imagined 2, 3, 5 years ago! Now hold your head high cause tomorrow is another day of struggle, battle and victory!


Randomly Grateful

In person, as what I would always write in my blog, I don’t easily warm up to people. I am not scared of people but I just really dread small talk. I’m not thinking like “oh hey, a new person, maybe we can have small talk and find stuff interesting and then we can be friends. Let me go and check”. No. I’m nothing like that. I am more of a “oh hey a person. good. now, back to what I’m doing. bye human *looks away without even bothering a small shy smile*”. You know, people think I am snobbish and unfriendly but I am just really busy with what I am doing or I’m just really quiet. BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO TALK. That’s why. Haha. I am trying to justify why I don’t talk a lot but I can’t think of a really good excuse so forgive me.

But… here? In wordpress? Just a mere like and a small comment makes me feel really happy and I start considering you guys as my “wordpress” friends!

Especially  Lu , MumOf1 , Fernanda , Bharath , Kendall , Josette

I am really grateful for these people and all the other people who are here and very appreciative of my nonsense!

I hope we could be friends so just talk to me or even add me up on twitter or something. I am really friendly hahaha.

How Did We Get Here?

Have you ever felt of not knowing what you actually want to do with your life? It’s like you are in a constant day by day struggle of trying to figure out how life works, how everything works. It’s like you’re trying your best to not crawl and claw your way out through everything but in the end, you get all dirty, muddy and useless.

I believe I am not alone in this constant struggle, in this battle of knowing what I want and knowing what to actually do with my life!

I always strive hard and do my best. I give my heart and soul to what I actually want (as of the moment) but in the end, I figured I am not happy so I skip along and do the next thing I would want.

After graduation, I thought I was going to have a vacation in UK so I ended up not looking for a job right away. I opted to work in a BPO called Telus and I had a very fantastic time working for them. Then I lasted for 2 years (I didn’t think I’d work for them in that long period of time but I did and I enjoyed it!). I realized I had to quit because I can’t be like that forever. I cannot work for a BPO all my life and not have Christmas and New Year with my family (Here in the Philippines, if you’re working in a BPO company, you know very well that you wouldn’t have Holidays. That’s like mandatory). So I endured that for 2 years but managed to stay happy. Although I knew for a fact I shouldn’t continue so I bode farewell to my colleagues, my boss and everyone else.

I didn’t know what to do after that so I managed to open a clothing shop (It is still on going so if you might want to check, head over to instagram and check out saro.manila) during the time I opened the shop, I knew it wouldn’t suffice. The income wouldn’t be enough to support but a simple lifestyle. So I opted to teach English to Chinese students. It was fun but it paid so little and so I returned to office work.

Now, I am an in-house copywriter for a pharmaceutical company. I write adverts and marketing press releases as well as web content. Day in and day out, I write articles about products. It was fun but very tiring at some point especially that I am the only writer here with a lot of products and articles to write! It is exhausting plus some boss here could be an arse (sorry to say). I am still working as a copywriter here but not fully enjoying because of the lack of employee benefits and whatnot.

In a nutshell, I have tried so many things already yet I cannot find what I would really want to do with my life! I don’t want to end up unhappy forever so I am still figuring out how life works. How to endure things like real adults do! How they could stay and manage to love what they’re doing. It is pretty hard ya know, especially trying to “adult” your way in life. It is fun and at the same time a burden. You get to enjoy a lot of things but get to be restricted on a lot of things as well. Your responsibilities and obligation never stops and even continue to pile up as time goes by yet your life quality and money stays the same!

I guess, we just really have to stay strong in this big bad world. The schools, our schools tried to prepared us for this but I think we didn’t listen as much as we should. Now, we are in this shithole but the only thing I am sure of is we can get through this! It’s only a matter of time! Our brains would get so used up, our hearts would break several times, our sacrifices would mean so little for a while but in the long run, I know we can all get through this shit. Cheers to adulthood and cheers to life!

Day 01: Things We Carry

From the 30 Day Writing Challenge

Things we carry are both heavy and light. It’s just a matter of how we carry it, the amount of strength we use in it, the effort to handle it. Realizing things, we can carry everything we put our mind and heart into.

Imagine yourself carrying a mug containing coffee. It is almost in half already so you only carry a small portion of its weight. When you carry it with both hands, it could be very easy and light. Like you can handle it very well without spilling the contents. When you carry it with one hand, it is still manageable. You can manage without spilling its content. But what is you’re carrying it using 2 fingers, the mug might slip from your fingers or the contents might spill!

It just says a lot on how we handle things. Heavy or light, if you put your heart and mind into it, if you give your all in it, you can manage it without breaking a sweat!

Just like in life, you can carry problems and burdens but if you give your heart and mind into solving it, you wouldn’t have to suffer.

30 Day Writing Challenge

I shall try this! Hmmm


30 day writing challenge

Type. Pause. Backspace. Type some more. No, no. Backspace.

The less I write, the harder it gets. If you’ll excuse the language, writer’s block (and writer’s tentativeness) can be a real bi**h.

A year ago, I started a 30 Day Writing Challenge to test my seemingly insurmountable writer’s block. I would get through it! I would defeat writer’s block! I would write everyday! And I did, except I sort of didn’t, and my initial high-speed interest in the project petered out after day eight or nine. If I even got that far.

This time, though, I’d really like to get through the 30 Day Writing Challenge. Because I can (“I think I can”, said the lil’ engine that could) and I will.

It took me four years and six false starts to complete a photography project. Behind me is a whole slew of unfinished projects and stories and endeavors from over the…

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Slow Sunday

It was but a slow Sunday for me. I mean I was so stressed out at work, so tired about everything going on in my so-called “adult life”. I found it hard to concentrate and even deal with things without stressing myself out. I was always sick and tired but come to think of it, I shouldn’t be and I shouldn’t have felt this way in the first place because I was really having a good life as of right now and why do I even bother complaining?

I have a job which I wanted 5 months ago (and I hate it now for some reasons), it’s not high paying and all but I get paid for writing. Which is what I actually wanted from the beginning so why am I all of a sudden feeling shit about everything right now? Idk if it’s my hormones just raging or I really am in shit?

Okay, today, I am in such a good mood because for the first time after a long time, I am a bit perky and outspoken at work. I don’t talk to anyone here because I just didn’t feel I have to engage to people and now, I suddenly feel like I could talk to people. LOL.

GOIIIING BAAAACK TO YESTERDAY…. My weekend was quite fun. After Saturday work, I went to the mall with my mom to celebrate Father’s day with her. We ate at this chinese restaurant and had coffee at Krispy Kreme while waiting for Kyx. It was pretty uneventful but I enjoyed spending small things and errands with my mother. Sunday came and I did a lot of odd things. I was all over the place—the house! I was fixing clothes, cabinets then I started painting, then read the bible then read a few chapters from the book I was currently reading, then I went to have some tea while watching an old film called A Beautiful Mind which was really a good one I must say. Then after the movie, had snacks with Kyx.

All in all, it was quick and slow. I did a lot of things but I was just in one place trying to do something that might give me fulfilment.

Oh, I also read the blogs of my friends here. So… that was it! That was my weekend. How about you guys? How did your weekend go? Do let me know or write it in your blog. Some odd reason is, I find personal little ramblings very interesting.

All in all, I hope your weekend was well!