To The Father Who Was Never There

No dad do not worry that I am mad, sad and incomplete. No. Mom made up for everything. Mom filled the gaps and holes you would have made so no, don’t think I am lonely and incomplete.

When I was young, I get a little jealous that my friends have experiences and photos with their fathers. Their families are complete and happy. While I sit here, looking at my jolly face in a picture together with mom, my 3 brothers and my teenage little sister. “Where is my father?”  I never asked. Because guess what, I always knew you were never coming back. It’s not like we’re expecting you to return and the moment you and mom have gone separate ways, we all never looked back.

Maybe you think of me sometimes. I’d like to think you do. But I know you never really thought about me or everyone else in the family. How we have been, how we were? I guess you also know that we can live without you.

My 3 elder brothers and teenage little sister have been so used to just us and mom. Not having you in the family didn’t make us feel broken at all. We know the usual family norm in the society–there’s a mom, a dad and then the children. But us? We were really fine even if we didn’t have “dad” around. Instead of the stereotype lonely “broken family”, we grew up very happy and contented with whatever we have. I guess mom really did a good job by being both a mom and a dad.

Dad, let me tell you how she did it. Mom was the mix of fun person, strict, the voice of reason, the enlightenment in our lives, the friend who listens, the parent who works hard for the family. The one who would give the best ever. The one who will provide for the wants and needs. The person who brings food on the table. The one who teaches us every single thing there is to know about ourselves, the world and anything! She never got tired. She was just there, she successfully morphed to being a mom and dad. Imagine how a single person could have done that without complaining? She did it with pure love. She did everything she could to make sure the family sticks together. She made sure to stick up for us even if everything is falling apart. She was there when no one else would be there for us, when you weren’t there.

Have you ever received a call from her? No, never. She didn’t ask for support, she never asked for money from you. She raised us without you.

I am not angry and know that I am extremely happy with life right now and I consider my childhood the best days of my life. No I am not complaining, no I am not bitter at all. I am just saying how she did it all without your help and without anyone else’s help.

My brothers and my sister.. Also I was never mad. I mean I know a lot of stuff you did but I never got mad at you. Because mom taught us to be forgiving and loving. Aside from the fact that you were never really there, there was no bearing at all. No bearing at all for the hatred to come in.

Mom was a very strong person. She was brave and unafraid about the things that have happened and might happen in the future. She is an independent woman who would rather raise her kids alone than be with someone who will just hurt her emotionally.

She is full of pride and principle and she makes me proud. I have been who I am because of her. I have seen her through everything but never did she give up! She is filled with positivity and she did not need to destroy others just to prove her worth. She is amazing, dad. Yes she is. I guess you know that and I just hope you’re as amazing as she is.

No dad, I am not angry. There is no reason at all for that. I just thought you’d want to know.

As much as I’d like to say thank you, I couldn’t think of a reason. I couldn’t think of a situation wherein I owed you something. Maybe thank you for giving life to me? Do not mistake it for something bitter but I am just seriously confused. I sincerely want to be grateful and maybe I shouldn’t have to produce reasons anyway.

So dad, thank you for not being there because it showed me the real strength of a person. It taught me a lot of life lessons that I wouldn’t even know if it weren’t for your absence. This coming Father’s day, I want you to know that I am grateful that you are my father despite everything. I just really hope that you could be how mom is to your new family now. Be the kind of person–the father that your children need. Be like mom to them. Don’t get stuck up with whatever life throws at you, if I were not addressing my father, I would have told you to have some balls.

You may have reasons and I understand this is how life goes. I understand, I fully do.

I hope you are happy with your life now and if there’s anything I can do to be of help, you can let me know. I will be here for you even if you were never there for me, Dad.IMG_2359.jpg

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