Saying goodbye is never easy and we’ve all experience leaving or being left behind. On whichever end you are in, the one saying goodbye or the one being told, it hurts in ways you can’t imagine.
“Goodbye” seems so simple yet the consequences are massive and painful. But when do we really have to say goodbye? How do we start? When to let go?
I guess there is no perfect way to do it. Once you are in that position, you wouldn’t figure out how to work around it.
Before I turned 25, I vowed and promised myself that I will no longer let past experiences destroy my happiness. I will not let toxic “friends” affect my emotions and play with my mind. I vowed to never look back and get sad and let myself fall apart like I once did.
I have written before how I decided to let go of the people that once were my life. My life revolved around these people. Their opinions matter to me like it’s a matter of life and death. I would often tell them random things about my day and I would always consider them in my decisions. I often would go out only when these people are with me—if they are not, I’d rather not go. But something happened several times. It kept happening. Months, years and I would always cry, brush it off, shrug and welcome them with my arms wide open. I guess it’s a little different when you get as old as 25.
Months before April, the month I turn 25, the same thing happened. Didn’t get invited, was the center of jokes and gossip. I was even laughed at and mocked about decisions and what have you. BY PEOPLE I CALL FRIENDS. By people whom I consider my everything.
It hurt me more than ever because I never would have done it to them, I would rather not go when they aren’t invited. I would always want to hang around with them than other people and if someone asks me to hang out, I would ask if they can come. I always always do! So I didn’t understand why they acted differently. Maybe that’s just how they were and I’ve always let them push me into my own black hole. The day I realized I am crying for wrong reasons, I cried even harder. I vowed and promised myself that I do not need people who do not need me, who do not see my worth, who do not respect me and who do not make an effort to understand me.
I told Kyx (the only person who would never judge me aside from my mom and my brother, Altheo) how I was feeling down and neglected. I told him how bad it was to be on this end. To be on the losing side. He enlightened me and told me I wasn’t the one losing friends because it’s them who is losing my friendship.
I felt bad and found myself trying like I always did. But then I realized how I made a vow and how I shall stay true to it. I am not encouraging leaving instantly. All I could say is once you have exhausted all your efforts, everything that you can just to keep it going, that’s the time when you give yourself a break.
I did not leave these people, I am and will always be their friend. I just changed my way towards how they treat me. I have changed my mind set and not let what they do affect me. As harsh as it sounds right now, this is the truth—I do not care about them as much as I did before. Not being all mean but I have learned the art of not caring as much because I only get hurt in the end.
It’s the sad truth but it worked for me. In the long run, I will thank myself for this. For the decision to not stick around when your principles are being compromised. At first I was scared. I feel like I’m losing my friends, the once I thought were my everything. But then I realized that my friendship, loyalty and love was not reciprocated enough. Not because I was looking for something in return. Not at all. I just felt like if they can’t give what I give, just respect me and be nice to me. That’s all. I didn’t need to receive the love I give, I only need to be respected and not be taken for granted.
It’s hard at first but once I let go, I felt happy. I felt less disappointed and less frustrated day by day. When I look back, I expect myself to be sad and nostalgic but no, I did not feel something. I don’t mean to be cold but I am just speaking of the truth. I didn’t let them affect me anymore. I didn’t let them hurt me. I know they were just insensitive. I know they were just being themselves and did not intend to make me feel the way I did However, I just came to the point wherein I did not want to be involved in drama anymore.
It felt like I was just hurting myself when I let them affect me and attitude towards life.
You always have to try but when you’ve tried your best and your principle and everything else gets compromised, then it’s time to take a stand for yourself. You need to be stronger not for anyone else but for yourself. You must remember, when people hurt and bring you down, you should stand up tall and brave. You don’t need to be fierce and confrontational. You just need to trust yourself and be brave enough. When you are not scared to be alone, everything will follow. Remind yourself that you don’t need anger and hate in your life.
Also, I think I decided on this because I didn’t have a lot of time for added stress. I didn’t even have time to sleep, why would I burden myself with added drama? I did not needed that and I will not let myself suffer on things I can solve.
It doesn’t mean you’re leaving them behind. Because when they need you and call you, you need to be a friend. The friend they once knew. You’re just not getting involved with people who change you for the worse. People whose beliefs are beyond different. People whose principles do not match your own. It is always good to have differences when you both accept it. But when they try to change you and it is against what you stand for? Don’t let them. Be brave. If there’s no one else beside you then be strong for yourself.
Another learning is that I appreciated my friends who have shown me genuine love and respect. I learned to appreciate and be grateful to these people more than I ever did.
I am glad I have friends and I don’t have problem having a smaller circle than usual. I have learned that when you get older, you learn more about yourself, you learn that the world does not revolve around your social life and that there are far more important things you need to actually look at rather than dealing with toxic people. You will learn that it doesn’t always mean it’s bad when you have to say goodbye and let go of people who might not be on the same page as you are. You learn to love yourself far better than you thought when no one else would. And you owe it to yourself. Be strong!