As Wednesday being such a pain in the butt, I had to try and seek positivity in the midst of impossibility. It’s something hard to do especially when you’re almost full of anguish and shit like that. As annoying as everything may seem, I came to realize upon questioning why does this need to happen (all the freaking time) and then I was answered immediately. I feel like this is God’s way of showing and making me feel that love exists in a world of battles, hardships, difficult times and hate. Amidst these sadness, I am answered with hope and pure positivity that love is in fact, true. In all angles, true. These are the moments that you realize how you have a really pure loving heart despite all the anger you put towards stress and everyday struggle. This is beyond what I expected. This is far higher than what I wanted to know. Because amidst all the trials, you realize that you love people dearly and no matter how stupid things can get, you will never stop caring even though you are struggling yourself.
I have a lot of feelings toward a lot of different things. It is hard to contain them so I end up not talking. Especially in the office. People at the office sees me really quiet, snobbish and shy. This is because I am trying to focus on a different energy cause when I talk, I spill the beans. I spill everything and pour my heart out.
Going back, being someone who has a lot of feelings, I try my hardest to use my brain. Feelings and thinking can be complicated once dealt with so it’s hard enough to control your emotions. I have yet to discover my inner self and one thing I knew now is how much I will continue to care for people I love even when I am hurting. When you mature, you understand what true love is. You understand that love is still love even beyond the struggles and tears. When you love someone, you stop thinking about yourself and your own comfort. You dive right in, through it all—head first! That’s genuine love, that’s not dumb and stupid. Because love doesn’t go by instinct at all. Especially about family.