My boyfriend has been my friend (and crush) since high school. We never dated back then even when we could because we were both so awkward. We are really good good friends ever since. I tell him random things I don’t tell other people, he also does that and jokes around, makes me listen to music he likes personally. There were times during college pa that I would think he likes to send me secret messages by asking me to listen to the songs and magfifeeling ako na para sakin yung song na yun (I figured pinaparinig lang niya talaga sa akin at walang meaning back then GRABE SA ANG HARSH TALAGA). We once went out, had dinner at a very Italian restaurant. We were in freshmen year of college. We were studying at different schools so we never went out talaga pero there was that one time. It was an awkward dinner and we both felt so dumb after. Grabe, I wore pa naman my favourite shirt. It was an emo sort of shirt pa GRABE. Hahaha
Long story short and fast forward to present, the first year of our relationship was a bit of blur. Super busy kami sa work and we would find ourselves squeezing each other to our busy schedules. Plastikan pa kami at honey moon stage pa. We didn’t fight a lot although we have a lot of differences it’s CRAZY. Then the second year is slow na, we would fight and I would throw a fit with huge blows of tantrums pa. He goes crazy and feels super bad about my actions. Then there was this one time when we fought so hard that he got super sad and told me that I wasn’t like this naman daw before, what happened. It hurt me so bad that I hurt him that way. So I realized several things and maybe you guys would have take aways from this too.
- Always remember the good times when you’re in the bad ones at the moment.
You know what I do when I really get mad at him and I want to hit him and leave him and all that crap? Before I say a word, I would try my hardest to forget my emotions at present and go time travelling for a second. I would go to our happy memories and the stuff that we did that made us both genuinely happy. After that, I am not that mad na. Maybe I am still a bit angry at him but I have stopped thinking of beating the crap outta him by then. So try that cause it pays off. Really.
- Understand the feelings of your partner too.
I know this is easier said than done. It’s really hard to understand how they feel when you’re also dealing with your own emotions. Mahirap na isipin pa at intindihin ano at bakit niya nararamdaman ang mga nafifeel niya right? But if you’re in a relationship you plan on making it work forever, you have to try your best. In bad situations, you need to try and understand how and why the feel the things they feel. Not only that you will slightly forget why you’re mad but you’re also calming him/her down if things turn cray for you guys. Anyone will calm the fck down when they realize you’re trying to understand them instead of bitching out and lashing out on them.
- Don’t let pride get in the way.
If there’s one adjective to describe me perfectly it would be ma-pride. I will never ever back down especially if my pride will be compromised. I will never let anybody toy with my pride cause I feel like that’s the only thing I have and I cannot let anyone take that from me. Pero when it comes to relationships, try to eat or even swallow your pride most of the time. Kasi it will only get in the way of solving things. Whenever Kyx and I fight, I would often forget about the fight itself and focus on my pride and how my ego was hurt because of something dumb he said or did. Now, I try my hardest to quit thinking about my pride in times like these cause it is exasperating, exhausting and annoying.
- Calm yourself down before you start opening that pie hole of yours.
I noticed that when I get super mad and I started talking, everything comes out and I feel like I mean it but I really don’t pala. I let the words get the best of me and take on a whole new attack. I have a way with words, I don’t talk very often unless there’s a need or I am with people close to me. Pero on a normal level, I hate small talks, I don’t like random talks with people I really can’t talk to. Another thing is, I am too awkward and I sometimes find it hard to explain what I wanted to say and everything’s just blah and it will come out wrong. It’s always a disaster. Before, when Kyx and I fight, I would do a lot of talking, attacking him with words that I know will hurt him. I will say a lot of things that aren’t even connected to the fight itself and then I regret it afterwards. I would feel terrible and ang ending, ako pa talaga ang masama. So I realized, before I speak, I need to really try and calm myself down. This is the hardest task I would ever have to do whenever I am angry. I tried practicing it and whenever the need arises, I talk to myself and fight the urge to fucking open my mouth. It is difficult but it benefits the both of you. It saves you from a complete train wreck! Hindi na para lumaki pa ang fight. *wink wink*
- Remember LOVE in the world of hate.
This is also hard when you’re in a “world” full of hate. Kapag war kami ni Kyx I feel like I hate him so so much and I never want to see his face ever again kaya naman I do things I regret afterwards. Mas nakakahiya sa pride ko. So I realized that whenever there are hateful things, you have to remember love. While this is very vague, we were told also by our elders (and even the bible mentioned we shall love our enemies as we love ourselves). It is difficult to show love when you’re angry and you feel like you’re supposed to be right. How do we do this? Remember how you were even together in the first place. Talk to your heart and don’t focus on your emotions. When you’re angry, you tend to think you will be angry at them forever. That’s not the case. You will just be angry for a second and then regret everything. Sometimes, easy lang lusutan, pero sometimes hindi rin tas iiyak ka nalang kasi it’s too late. I feel like you really have to talk to yourself, analyse the situation. Calm yourself then you will remember love within all the hates.
I feel like my thoughts are scattered but then again I guess you guys would understand what I am trying to put out there. In love, in relationships, there will be changes. There will always be “war” but you guys should simply work everything out no matter how tough it may seem. *wink wink*