bye bye toxic friendship.. bye bye.

I couldn’t stress more on how constant change is. You might know it by now and you may already witnessed different consequences of change and what it entails however, I still want to write about it.

This one is on a more personal level. Based on my own experience plus, it’s very very recent!

Okay, I tried to write about this for days but I cannot even finish it! It’s so frustrating because there are a lot of unfinished blog entries and I am not happy about it.

This matter is very sensitive for me, I feel like it’s showing my emotions even if I try to hide it. *sigh*

Here’s the deal. Before I turned 25 (last April 7) I realized a lot of things about life. How I am slowly understanding that no matter how hard life can be, it will always be worthwhile especially with the people who will be there for you through it all. There are realizations that made me happy, there are some that made me sad, however, this one made me sad but made me very happy in the end.

This is the big news. After so many years, I have decided to let go of the people who hurt me so much, who are toxic and who never should have mattered in the first place. Yes this sounds so bitter but trust me, I am not bitter. I am just stating facts. It is really hard to let go of the people who I once thought I could never live without. Here’s what happened.

I will not put in so much gruesome details, there are no catfights, but I guess I have to put it out there. People change like seasons do. Friends come and go. THIS IS REALITY. This is the truth! Friends are only forever for a period of time and then wala palang forever. Seriously. I am not imposing this to anyone as this is just a personal experience of mine but it’s real pala when they say “friends come and go”.

Before my birthday, a lot happened and I realized, partly it is my fault because I let people stood me up, I let people tell me what to do most of the time, I let them take advantage of my loyalty and I end up screwed over so bad not knowing how it all started. I have known a lot of my friends ever since I can remember, there are a lot of happy memories, fun times and all that and those are the reasons why I feel like I can’t live with these people forever. Even if they do mean things to me (I know they don’t mean to be mean but then again it’s insensitive most of the time kasi..) I would often wonder why it’s like this. Every once in a while, they will be good friends and then they will be mean. The cycle goes on and maybe I have a fair share why these things happen but I just blatantly ignored how this affects me on a serious emotional level. To the point that I cry and get slightly depressed. Because you know what? I will never ever do to them what they do (did) to me. Again this is not something very serious. This is just a lot of petty things. And I mean  BUTTLOAD of petty things. I can’t even count the times I have let them do this to me. I just feel that they will just be okay afterwards and we will be our normal selves again. But you know what? Being 25 is a lot different from 20 years old. I do not have A LOT OF TIME to waste on people who will play with my feelings and act like a friend but is not really one to me? Gets ba? I mean a friend—for me, is someone who would be there whether you need them or not. A friend will help you whether you asked for it or not, in ALL aspects. Maybe we can’t expect people to treat us the way we treat them BUT IT GETS REALLY EXHAUSTING IF EVERYTHING IS NOT RECIPROCATED AT LEAST ONE WAY OR ANOTHER DIBA? So I decided to let go of these people. This does not mean that FO na and no communications na talaga. But I have let go of them in a sense na I wouldn’t need them anymore. I have learned that there are a lot of different people more worth it than those who do not appreciate what you do for them. I can still be friends with them (in fact I am still their friend) but not in the level that I was a friend to them before.

It’s so toxic to be affected by people who do not even care what you think and feel. So I felt like I need to know which are worth the while and which aren’t. It is hard at first. I’m not the type naman to be super heartless and to give up the years of friendship. I am just limiting myself and my emotions. This is me protecting myself from being hurt by people I did not expect to hurt me in the first place.

Kaya naman guys, you always have to watch out for yourself. Don’t let anyone trample over you or hurt you in the simplest of forms. Kasi malaki talaga ang effect niyan. It’s hard to let go of the friendship but listen, it’s even harder to stay in a toxic relationship with a toxic environment. *wink wink*

People change, friends change, we can only do so much but we must know the limits. Our limits.

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Thea

Thea, 26, INFJ (Turbulent) Always interested in other people's opinion on matters, ideas and random thoughts. I mostly keep to myself but I found that writing in this blog is easier than bottling my feelings up. Reading, writing, tea, coffee and wine are my favorite things. You can catch me mostly on twitter and instagram: @xoxthea make sure to say hello! :")

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