30 Day Writing Challenge

I shall try this! Hmmm

coolpeppermint

30 day writing challenge

Type. Pause. Backspace. Type some more. No, no. Backspace.

The less I write, the harder it gets. If you’ll excuse the language, writer’s block (and writer’s tentativeness) can be a real bi**h.

A year ago, I started a 30 Day Writing Challenge to test my seemingly insurmountable writer’s block. I would get through it! I would defeat writer’s block! I would write everyday! And I did, except I sort of didn’t, and my initial high-speed interest in the project petered out after day eight or nine. If I even got that far.

This time, though, I’d really like to get through the 30 Day Writing Challenge. Because I can (“I think I can”, said the lil’ engine that could) and I will.

It took me four years and six false starts to complete a photography project. Behind me is a whole slew of unfinished projects and stories and endeavors from over the…

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Gender Equality, Feminism, Chivalry and Sexism (I am all over the place so try to not judge me and how I wrote this)

This may sort of be a long read, but please please do read it. I really need your opinion, I crave for a discussion on matters like this. So please please please help.

I often have discussions like this with Kyx especially when we’re stuck in bad traffic.

How do we all fight for “Gender Equality” in a world that cries for chivalry, in a world that takes “feminism” in a whole different manner, in a world where if not all, most people are clueless how “gender equality” works.

How can we all be politically correct in all these? How can we live by gender equality when we could all be ignorant at times and how can we stop sexism?

Okay, let’s see how this goes.

  1. When you look “Gender equality” up on Google, the first thing you’d come across is how Wikipedia defined it. “Gender equality, also known as sexual equality, is the state of equal access to resources and opportunities regardless of gender. It is achieved through gender neutrality and gender equity”

In my understanding and in advocacies we’ve heard all over the world, gender equality is when both men and women have the luxury to live with the same rights and opportunities in all aspects. May it be at the workplace or privileges in the society.

  1. Moving to “Feminism”, when you look it up on Google, you’d see synonyms such as “women liberation”, and when you find how it is defined, you’d see something that crosses with “gender equality”. That Feminism is the advocacy of women wherein they fight for equal rights regardless of gender.

 

  1. Now off to “Chivalry”, it is defined as when medieval knights show courtly manners, nobility, courtesy and all that. In the 21st century, it’s more about being a “gentleman” (or correct me if I’m wrong cause that’s how I understand it)

 

Given these 3 things, let’s now discuss what’s up!

Case on point #1:

Many months back, I guess about a year ago, a woman in her 20s I believe, went viral on social media (at least here in the Philippines) because she posted a photo of a guy who she is accusing of not being a gentleman. The train was full and a lot of people are standing up, now the guy in the photo clearly didn’t give his seat up for the girl. The girl then went to rant on social media how she was so tired but then this guy is sitting pretty (actually looking tired and innocent AF). She said that the guy should’ve given his seat up so that she can sit instead of the guy. What’s your take on this?

You see, more often than not, I am all for gender equality. If a guy wouldn’t give his seat up for me then I wouldn’t feel bad. It’s not like I am more privileged than him. Gender equality clearly states that both men and women get the same rights in all aspects so why the hell would I get mad for not having a seat on a train while a man sits and I stand? I mean I won’t get bothered even if I was hella tired.

Well, the woman who posted the photo that went viral on social media gained mixed reactions from the public. Some were sharing sentiments with her stating “chivalry is dead” while most got upset that this woman is crying out loud just because she was not given the seat that the guy deserved too.

 

Case on point #2:

Pregnant Women are the priority

Now it gets tricky from hereon. So someone please tell me, why pregnant women be the priority whether in queue for a public transportation or in the bank? I mean I get that they are carrying the baby and it’s quite a discomfort and it’s heavy and shit but, what’s the actual basis for this? I’m not mad at pregnant women, I am seriously asking because I do not know for sure as to why are they prioritized? Is it plainly because everyone needs to understand that pregnant women are having a hard time in everything while they’re pregnant so we help them in all ways possible or is it just plain sexism? Please shed some light on this because I am not sure hahaha. All I know is that we let them get to ride in public transportation first than the rest, we give way even if we were first in line because they are top priority and as far as the “why are they the top priority?” is concerned, I do not know. **seriously. What do you think and know about this, put it in the comment box**

 

Case on point #3:

Using a lot of sexist terms EVERYFUCKINGWHERE and it just makes me cringe so much I can’t even

Have you ever heard of the phrases “be a man!” or “you’re acting like a girl”? These terms seem innocent but are completely and utterly sexist. In the Philippines, you’d hear a lot of phrases like this:

“kalalaki mong tao natatakot ka sa multo” (You’re a guy and yet you get scared of ghosts)

“kalalaki mong tao iiyak iyak ka diyan” (You’re a guy and yet you are crying?)

“kababae mong tao ang lakas lakas mong tumawa” (You’re a girl and yet you laugh so loud)

“kababae mong tao ganyan ka magsalita” (You’re a girl yet you speak like that?)

And so on and so forth. Just use “kababae/kalalaki mong tao” and then insert a stereotypical phrase and BOOM= welcome to sexism!

 

In my opinion, sexism is everywhere. In the household, in the work place in public, in the movie houses, in the neighbourhood, in school. My gosh. I have no words.

Are guys not allowed to get scared? Are they not allowed to cry when they feel hurt or happy? Are girls not allowed to laugh like a hyena when they feel like it? Are girls not allowed to talk a certain way?

In the Philippines, we are taught that men and women need to live a certain way, dictated by the society. But FFS, this is the 21st century and why are we still not educated on matters like this? Why do we keep ourselves away from openness and why do we fight battles we know so little about?

Why the hell do we cry out so loud fighting for gender equality when we are so ignorant about the phrases and actions we say and do? Why do we want chivalry, crying if a guy is not a “gentleman” when we clearly fight for “gender equality”? Why do we use sexist phrases in the 21st century like it’s normal?

Think about it. Let’s discuss. Let’s talk about what you think. Let’s educate people, let’s share information, let’s speak up, let us help each other with the exchange of intelligence and openness. Let us not leave ourselves ignorant. Let’s keep asking, let’s keep learning.

 

I know I only covered a speck of the issues in our society, I know there are other problematic areas about this and there are deeper root problems here so don’t judge me haha!

Waiting for 6pm, Waiting To Clock Out

 

Ladies and gentlemen, after almost 2 years in this company, I have come to the point that I am waiting for the moment that I’d be clocking out. This is one of the signs that you don’t want to see in your relationship towards work.

I used to spend a lot of my time writing PR articles, copies, magazine ads and all for work and I don’t get tired! I don’t even look forward to clocking out! I always feel defeated when the clock turns 8 o’clock and I still have fuel in me wanting to work and write more but time wouldn’t allow me.

Now, it’s a totally different thing. I feel so exhausted every day even if I divided my work on a very light per-week scheme. Nothing works and I feel like it’s time I reflect on why I keep staying here.

Obviously, I’m more exhausted than happy.

But maybe there’s a deeper reason as to why I feel like being tormented emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. I need a break but my bills ain’t got no breaks mofo -___-

Menstrual Cups TMI!!!

 

This post is about bodily functions, menstruation, vagina and whatnot. So if you get uncomfortable towards topics like this, you may stop reading now. You’ve been warned!

Oh so, you’re still reading. Okay. Then let’s move forward!

What is a menstrual cup?

  • A menstrual cup is basically a silicone thingy shaped as a funnel (at least from my perspective lol). It’s made from of course, medical grade and heavy duty silicone.
  • There are varieties of menstrual cups: Sinaya Cups, Luna Cups, Moon Cups, Diva Cups. I don’t know if it can be bought at a physical store but from what I have read, people order it online.

Ever since I’ve read about it, I was tempted to get one for myself. I’ve been stalling, I know. I’ve read Saab talk about it from like months ago and since then, I keep reading blogs about it. Apparently, everyone thinking about the switch are scared of basically the same stuff like:

  • Not being able to put it inside properly.
  • The mortifying thought of it getting stuck inside your vag.
  • Having to deal with unnecessary leaks!
  • The terror of taking it off and spilling everything all over yourself and the bathroom.
  • The crazy thought of putting a silicone thing inside you!

Okay so here’s why I am actually leaning towards getting a menstrual cup.

  • I always want to help Mother Nature the best I can so getting a menstrual cup is more eco-friendly than using pads and tampons.
  • Aside from that, it’s also cost effective. Menstrual cups can be used for about 5 years (I think) and imagine not buying pads or tampons for 5 years?! How much money would you be saving right?
  • According to the articles I’ve read, it’s easier to do stuff when you use menstrual cups. Like you’d feel ‘normal’, you can swim, surf and all that even if you have your period!

So what are your thoughts on this? I’m actually like 80% leaning towards getting it.

Mystery Blogger Award

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Rules of Award:

  1. Put the award/logo image on your blog
  2. List the rules
  3. Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog
  4. Mention the creator of the award and provide link as well
  5. Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
  6. You have to nominate 10-20 people
  7. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog
  8. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify)
  9. Share a link to your best post(s)

(For future nominees, you may use the above “rules” to comply on your award post)

I was nominated by Zheng Fan to do this Mystery Blogger Award. It’s such a pleasure to be nominated to something like this not because of the “award” or title itself (I’m basically clueless about these things) but because people thought of me to be part of this and that’s what matters most.

To Zheng Fan, we only interacted very little for the past days simply because I think we just found each other’s blogs very recently. Now that I kept reading what you write, I feel like (aside from regularly reading your stuff now) I found someone who I can relate to and someone I’d learn a lot of stuff from. Thank you for nominating me!

Answering your questions are fun and refreshing!

3 Things About Myself:

  1. As much as possible, I write not only to express my raw emotions but to help other people learn from my experiences.
  2. I have depression, anxiety and OCD. But that is not going to stop me from being successful. I have suicidal tendencies but I try to be as strong as I can!
  3. I love my mom and the rest of my family so much.

Wow, these 5 questions are so simple but so hard to answer! It took me a lot of minutes to get through these simple questions and I found myself weighing things like my life depended on it. Nonetheless, I found it enjoyable!

 

  1. Who is your one favourite public person (in the history of mankind)? Why?

Oh my god why is this so hard to answer? I don’t know a lot of public people, like I don’t know their advocacies and principles in life. I guess my favourite public person would be none other than, Oprah Winfrey. She went through hell and back but still managed to become a successful individual. She did not let her struggles get the best of her and that is very inspirational for me. It makes all my struggle easy to deal with by just knowing that people like Oprah fought their way to success even if it was so hard to do.

  1. What is your one favourite song? Why?

I have a lot of favourite songs and it’s hard to choose just one. But maybe, as of the moment, I’ll go with “Grace to Grace” by Hillsong United. If you haven’t heard of that song, listen to it especially when you feel like everything is fucking up. It helps so much!

 

  1. Define yourself in less than 15 words?

I am friendly online, very shy in real life.

 

  1. What is the one most important trait you look for in a partner?

Loving. When you are loving, everything follows. A loving person cares, when a person cares, they wouldn’t want to break your trust, they’d stay loyal and support you no matter what. When they love you, they’d tell you when you did something wrong so you can improve yourself and when you did something awesome, they’d appreciate it.

 

  1. What is life to you?

For me, life is an awesome adventure. The image of adventure to me is where you find purpose, learn that purpose, meet amazing people, learn a lot of lessons the hard and easy way, accepting defeat and standing tall after every fall. That for me is an adventure—and that’s how I see life.

My Nominees:

  1. Addie

2. Anaida

3. Fernanda

4. Kendall

5. Lu

6.  Bharath

7. Kate

8. Lorraine

9. Phoebe

10. Owning A Dog With Anxiety

 

My 5 questions:

  1. What is your advice to people going through a friendship breakout?
  2. What is your advice to those who are trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives?
  3. What is your life motto or mantra?
  4. What is the number one lesson in life you learned that you want to share to others.
  5. If you wish to visit any country what would it be and why?

 

My Best Post:

My best post would probably be this I Need Your Opinion, Please Not because of the content itself but for the support I got from you guys. ❤

Believing in The Power of Prayer

 

 

Every time I try to write about my religious beliefs, I find myself giving you a disclaimer which seriously needs to stop. But here I go again.

I am not like a hard core Catholic girl. I’m just a strong believer and I respect all religions so don’t think this is something about preaching and convincing people to believe in what I believe in. This is a mere projection of what I have experienced and it is something I want to share.

Before I went to sleep last night, I opened the bible and cut through a random page while my eyes were closed. I pointed my finger to the middle left part of the page hoping to see something that will tap and cut deep to my soul. I slowly opened my eyes with excitement and read where my finger was pointed and it says “If you have faith, it will happen. If you believe, you will get anything you ask for in prayers” –Matthew 21:22

There you have it folks. I slept with a smile on my face ready to welcome the coming days with faithfulness. I think it ends there but it didn’t.

At the office, I randomly shared this experience of mine to my friend, Anne. I told her about the verse and she opened her wallet and took a small laminated thing that bears the bible verse I was talking about. She told me that she’ll be giving me her copy because maybe, this verse is really for me,

After what I have gone through for the past months, I can only say that prayers have helped me get through all the crap (aside from family, remaining friends and you guys my readers) prayers have given me so much strength. No I didn’t feel all mighty and powerful after every prayer I said but somehow, it lightens the burden that I have been carrying over the course of time.

Every day, the moment I wake up, I’d say a prayer of thanks that I have been given another chance to improve myself. Another chance to repent and another chance to give my love to the people who have always been by my side. I’d ask for strength and courage to face the day and in most days that I feel restless, I ask that the Lord would give me physical and mental strength to get through the day.

Every night before I sleep, I’d say a prayer telling Him how my day went. Asking for forgiveness when I did a shitty thing. I also ask for healing to those whom I have hurt and for myself as well. I ask that I be given more days to live (even though I have been obsessed with my own death and suicidal thoughts), I ask that my parents, family and loved ones have a longer life so I could make them feel more of how much I love them. I tell the Lord that if I do not wake up, I hope that He embrace my loved ones and tell them that I am at peace.

These are the usual prayers and even though they are simple and ordinary, I believe that God hears my prayers. I believe in the power of prayers, in good times and in bad.

Kyx Lately

 

Kyx and I have been together for over 2 years now (going on our 3rd year this August) and man, all the changes, adjustments and stuff we had to deal with were cray but I feel so grateful that I have him in my life.

So for my new blog friends and readers who haven’t read a whole bunch of writings from the past, let me introduce to you, Kyx.

Kyx is my boyfriend. You pronounce it as “kicks”. No that is not some made up name he made to be cool. That’s really his nickname. His real name is Kyxarie and you don’t pronounce it as “kicksari” you say it as “kee-sa-ri” okay now that’s said and done, let’s move on. Hahaha. I just feel like I had to tell you guys how to pronounce it so you could read it without confusion lol.

Okay so going back, Kyx is this wonderfully artistic, creative, long-haired illustrator slash love of my life. He is my best friend and my confidante. He’s patient and wise and I just can’t reiterate enough how much of a blessing he is in my life.

You see, for the past 3 months, I dealt with a roller coaster ride filled with torturous obstacles!! I had to deal with friendship drama, anxiety, depression and OCD. Imagine dealing with someone so disastrous as me?

So for a quick background, let me just say that whatever I am going through, it’s not like something we see on TV shows and on movies. It’s totally different. I am very high functioning but after all that I have to do on a given day, I would lie on my back, stare blankly at the walls and sometimes I cry without even knowing why I am crying in the first place. On some days, I’d spend so much time in the bathroom using about 1 body wash, 1 milky soap and 1 organic butter soap for cleaning my skin and moisturizing it taking all the time I need only to find myself taking about more than an hour of my life to just bathe and reflect on different things. Sometimes I find it normal, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I’d be so talkative, other times Kyx wouldn’t hear a word coming from my mouth. And Kyx had to deal with all of this without getting mad at me. Without treating what I’m doing as “bullshit” and perfectly trying to understand what I am going through without judging me.

The other day, I was being extra annoying, brutal and monstrous. I’ve been on the pill because of my acne problems (and my mom is actually pursuing it low-key because she wants me on birth control) and these hormonal pills are just plain making me a walking disaster! My moodswings skyrocketed to 80% and I was downright nasty to deal with. I was throwing a tantrum here and there but Kyx is just being his kind and comforting self. *sobs* Then while I was being particularly angry for a mindless reason, I pinched Kyx so hard until it sorta bled. My oh my the horror when I saw his skin turned really pink and then a bit of blood oozing from a small scratch I made! Right then and there, I realized how mean I was being and immediately pulled myself together. Kyx—being ever so patient, just hugged me and told me it’s okay and that I’ll be okay.

I still feel sorry for being such a crazy adult. These meltdowns have to stop, I know. I just am really grateful that no matter how absurd I was, Kyx is still there for me.

How In The World Did I Find Friends In WordPress?!?

I have been blogging in and out since I was in high school. I always rant and talk about how my day went. Then in college, I started to blog about some of my thoughts that are not pure nonsensical but I was doing it for worthless things. I was writing about what people wanted to read, what’s the trend, I was trying so hard to reach out to an audience. I was all about the likes, comments and numbers of hits and followers! I was doing it all for nothingness and worthless crap.

Then last year, I started to blog here on wordpress. I decided to write about what I honestly think, my realizations, lessons, experiences and all that but the difference is that I was doing it for sheer passion, for helping others, for reaching out to other people while in the process of reaching out to myself. I wasn’t thinking about how many followers I would get, how many likes, how many response. I was just basically putting it out there! Sometimes, I would share my blog to people whom I think would need advice and honestly, I think I was being pathetic in the process but I wasn’t doing it for the blog hits! At least I was trying to help. LOL.

Then I don’t know what happened next. It all came too fast! People started following my blog like from all over the world (I make it sound like it’s a massive follow thing but it wasn’t. It’s just that I am finally being followed without me asking for it lol) so I started reading other people’s blogs and I felt like almost everyone if not all, are sharing a huge chunk of themselves! It was so intimate, personal and full of depth. Then I started commenting, liking and continuously reading post after post of these strangers until such time that I made a connection between them and then BAHM, I got friends overrrrr heeeere!!!!

It was a bit of surprise for me. When I was blogging back then, I knew a lot of people and we always talk in our comments section but after a while it all faded. Here, I don’t only talk to people through comments, I think of them even in the real world. LOL. I mean, I figured that I genuinely care about these then strangers turned to friends! I’d always pull up my wordpress and go to their blogs and read their updates.

THEN I HAD TO GO THROUGH SOME LIFE DRAMA OUT OF THE BLOGOSPHERE.

While I was going through shit, a lot of my friends that I met here showed me support. They were there even if I wasn’t asking for it. They were there even if I didn’t tell them I needed them. They showed me how much the genuinely care and I felt so loved. (This is so cheesy it almost made me gag at how dramatic I can be but whatever hahahaha)

It’s as if they always have my back!

And it did cheer me up. It’s something I would always be grateful for. Then on the process, I met new followers that I consider friends here on wordpress. The connection is just there. No trying hard messy small talks, no overdoing, no overthinking. It’s like everyone is so open minded, everyone is supporting everyone and that’s really something!

I feel like the friends I found here knows the real me more than I let other people in my life on a day to day basis. They know everything that runs in my head, they know my personal thoughts and what I like, what I don’t like. They know everything and still care for me!

So thank you. Thank you for being there for me when other turned their backs. Thank you for sincerely and genuinely caring for me. When I was on one of my suicidal thoughts episode, I even thought of you guys. Like how will you know if I am dead already, I wouldn’t want to not have said farewell! When something interesting happens to me, I want to write it so much so that you guys would know just as I am so interested in all the things going on in your lives hahaha.

Thank you for the friendship. I didn’t know it was possible but it is!!! I am glad I found true friends here. Seriously.

Thank you

Shout out to these amazing people I’ve met here that have been my constants. Truly grateful for you all.

https://thesyntaxofthingsblog.wordpress.com/

https://affectionatelyours.wordpress.com/

https://simplyfernanda.wordpress.com/

https://keys1988.com/

https://curiouspondering.wordpress.com/

https://coolpeppermint.wordpress.com/

https://beautybeyondbones.com/

https://ridiculousbharath.wordpress.com/

https://whenwomeninspire.com/

https://simplysaycheese.wordpress.com/

https://destinationenlightenment.com/

https://bequietkate.wordpress.com/

Welcome

https://anonymouslyautistic.net/

https://shereefiala.com/

Home

http://robertapimentel.com/

https://roadtoharmony.com/

https://mydearyellowworld.wordpress.com/

https://lushtivity.wordpress.com/

https://chanellehayleyyy.wordpress.com/

https://owningadogwithanxiety.wordpress.com/

https://antoniowestley.wordpress.com/

https://supersweetserendipityblog.wordpress.com/

https://beafreee.com/ https://simpleclaireity.wordpress.com/

https://quarterlifecrisis.net/

https://singlemomstand.wordpress.com/

Sorry, if I had to like do the insert link thing here, it would take me ages to finish. Or do you guys know a shortcut?

Well anyway, I just want to thank you all!

“Kaibigan”

Yung feeling na kung kailan bente-sais anyos na ako, tsaka ko lang nalaman na kahit gaano mo na katagal na kilala, gaano karami ang pinagsamahan niyo ng isang tao, hindi ito sapat na basehan para matawag mo siyang kaibigan.
Translation:

That feeling when it took me 26 years to realize that knowing someone for a long time and going through hell and back together is not enough basis to call them your friend.

Hola Amigos

 

I owe you guys a biggie. If not for you all who keep reading and visiting me and wanting to hear from me, I would have died a long time ago by killing myself. In all honesty, I am compelled by my suicide thoughts but with dear people like you guys, you give me so much hope in this world. In all the cruelty, you continue to strive for kindness and show me that no matter how simple, you gave me more care than anyone could ever give.

I mean ya know, aside from my family, you guys are amazing with the support you keep giving me.

I am off to visit your blogs and hopefully, be updated by your writings and rants and realizations and experiences. I enjoy tremendously all that you have to share so I may do it slowly, but I’ll surely visit and leave you guys comments ❤

I also haven’t been painting. I painted a month ago but I haven’t finished it. Sometimes, when you get off of the track it’s a bit harder to go back.

I also haven’t told you much about the fun stuff I experienced with my friends! So maybe I’ll do it within this week.

I can’t wait to visit your blogs and read about everything that transpired in my absence!

I’m so sorry that I was MIA. I found myself always curled up and kept ignoring social media that my blog kinda suffered as well. Let’s get back on track now shall we?

 

Trip Down Memory Lane. For Better or Worse?

If you have been reading my blog for a long time or maybe from April onwards, you would know exactly what transpired over the course of what, 2 months? Yeah.

Some days I feel better, some days I still cry. Some days I think about everything, every moment I spent with these people for more than 10 years, for more than half of my life?! It breaks me, it tears my soul apart, my heart cries as my tears well up.

I always catch myself having a trip down memory lane. A little thing would trigger it and then I head back right where it all started, I recount the fun times, those times when they all have my back, the times when I was there and all that. I spiral down on those times and end up feeling a lump in my throat, my stomach clenches and my heart in my mouth. It’s as if I can’t breathe and I just watch from afar the good old days that have come and past and now, nowhere to be found. It sucks. But how could I say I improved after all these? After all the trips I took down memory lane? Did I become better or worse? Was the feeling still SO BAD? No.

I don’t ask “why?” anymore. The familiar ache, painful stabs in my heart are present but the questioning is not there anymore. No matter how many times I tried to explain myself, no one will listen when they have already came up with the judgment and conclusion for themselves. Before anything else, let me just say that though I still get lost and confused, I strongly feel that every party has done grave mistakes and I can only hope that everyone will realize it sooner or later.

Anyway, yes, I don’t ask the “why?” anymore because despite that I am almost done being angry, I feel a little more grateful that it all transpired.

Had it not happened, I won’t probably be changing my ways! I looked at myself and man was I actually nothing different from terrible. I watch myself crumble every night but I continue to realize that this happened so that I can become a better person. I deserved a better life.

If this didn’t happen, I would probably be in a very toxic environment. I would even be very toxic than ever and it kills me just thinking about it.

This is an amazing learning experience for everyone and as surprising as ever, I feel grateful and blessed to have faced that crazy roller coaster ride. Refreshing, renewing and very much rewarding.

 

(image from google)